Expectations

I am trying to find a balance between expectations, reality and disappointment. I honestly have learned to keep expectations low to avoid the pain of disappointment.  But when is that expectation so low that you are actually betraying yourself?  When do you stand up and say," I need or deserve better?"  What if you know the basic expectations that you deserve to have of your family have not and may never be fulfilled?

I want to be unconditionally loved, liked as a person and a priority in their lives.  I do not have this.  I brush it off, am understanding, accept it, rationalize it away, give them excuses, ignore it but inside my soul it sits.  I have fought it down for so many years because I am afraid if I ask or have these expectations I will have nothing of them at all.  Is what I have enough?  Does it matter anyway?

I am fighting to writing the reasoning for their actions, excuses, but I will not.  I deserve better.  I have earned better.  However better will never come...  not from them.

Instead I surround myself with those that I can get this from and am learning to get it from myself.  But somewhere is a corner of my soul I am broken...